I had forgotten just how painful it is to fly half-way around the world.  For this trip I was headed to Bangkok, leaving from the west coast in San Francisco.  I had one stop:  Tokyo (Narita).  I was looking at eleven hours to Tokyo, a couple hours layover and then another seven hours (ish) to Bangkok.  No special accommodations – flying in cattle class.  That way it’s damn cheap.

Some airlines, who shall remain nameless, (United) charge about $200 more if you want extra legroom.  That adds $400 or so onto your ticket price for a round trip fare.  Scumbags.  I’m not a fan of this new policy and the only way around it is to have status.  Getting status requires a LARGE outlay of cash.  It’s not just about the miles anymore people you have to spend big bucks on the class of ticket you purchase, in order to get any kind of status.  In fact, these guys are such jerks that they give you LESS miles (far less in some cases) then what you are actually flying, because you purchased the cheapest ticket you could find.  Which generally means your ticket is non-refundable.  And so on.  Hey, here’s a good idea why not just section off the plane and have a kind of pit of doom area for all of us that opt for the cheap tickets?  You could occasionally throw some snack mix packs and tiny bottles of water to us.  It sorta feels that way as it is – since at 5’7” I don’t have room for my knees in these seating areas.  It must be torture for those who are significantly taller.

I believe there may have been a detour down the ‘I hate airlines’ road.  Apologies for the ranting and raving, but how the airlines are operating really is irksome.  I think it is an issue that is long overdue for some heads-up legislation about how much an airline can torture people for profit.

All that aside – me and all of my pent-up airline rancor got situated on the flight to Tokyo which left at 11:10am.  Well, let’s be real – we did not leave until at least one hour past departure time.  I don’t blame the airline for this we were having a so-called storm of the century with torrential downpours and high winds, that was the issue.  That flight was uneventful accept for the takeoff and initial ascent which remained extremely turbulent for maybe thirty minutes to an hour.  I have spent some quality time on airplanes and this takeoff made me nervous – I don’t like it when the plane shakes and wobbles – especially one as big as a 777.

By the time we landed at Narita Airport in Tokyo – another bit of turbulence in the descent – I was feeling extraordinarily nauseous and contemplating locating the barf bag.  This never happens to me on a plane, not ever.  Or even on a boat for that matter.  Besides the nausea I thought that I might keel over, I was very light-headed and faint feeling.  Again – this never happens to me.  Is it possible I had motion sickness?  I was starting to panic because we had just landed and I was in row 51 or whatever – like the last person on the plane.  The waiting was interminable – I started having to hang my head down – because I was seeing spots – and that is never a good sign.  Oh, the horror!

I finally made it off the plane and had to go through a security checkpoint since I was still in transit and needed to head over to the Bangkok flight.  It crossed my mind that perhaps I should make a stop in a restroom – and there was one available – but I decided I should suck it up and go through security and then I could lounge around in the rest room if I so chose and no security folks would get agitated with me.

More interminable waiting.  Finally, I got up to the beltway and tossed my items down and walked through the scanner – promptly setting it off.  Of course.  First the watch came off, then the shoes.  I’m wondering if this is turning into a strip poker game as the security folks are eying me up and down, wondering what to have me take off next, and I’m explaining about how I don’t have a belt on (in English – to people who only understand Japanese).

Understanding begins to dawn on me that the only metal item on my person is the underwire on my bra.  Now they have me standing on a pedestal and a security lady is wanding me (can we use wand as a verb these days?) – and the wand consistently beeps when waved across my bosom.  Duh.  I’m still trying to explain what the problem is – to no avail.  I’m also trying not to vomit on anyone’s shoes – figuring this would really ratchet up the tension another level or two.  And I’m trying not to faint.  I now have several different physical problems going on with me as the security lady goes into pat-down procedure.  She’s patting down my arms, legs, torso, chest – and this keeps going on – turn forwards, turn backwards.  This lady is getting rather invasive – and I’m still trying to explain and pointing at my bosom – nobody seems to get it.  Surely I’m not the only woman in the world to set off the scanner alarm due to an underwire bra!  All the other passengers are gone by this point – and I’m thinking I need to sit down.  They finally decide I’m not harboring weapons or explosives in my bra and let me continue on.  A big thank-you to the Narita Airport security personnel for making my Valentine’s Day that unforgettable.

I ditch into the first bathroom I see (after walking by the sumo wrestler guys – cool!) and spend about 20 minutes just sitting in my own little cubicle trying to decide which end is going south.  Yes, it was not good.  I took Pepto, I took Advil, and my favorite over the counter gastro-intestinal helper:  Buscopan.  I went and found a quiet seat by my gate for the Bangkok flight and hunched over and closed my eyes.  I was gonna make it.

Eventually I boarded the plane which then spent maybe an hour driving around Narita airport.  I’m serious – a 787 Dreamliner was just tooling around – no idea what that was all about.  I started to get nervous thinking they were testing out the wheels or something.  We had very little information from the flight crew.  By this point I was in and out of consciousness anyway – so this was all barely registering.  Eventually we really did take off.

I was struggling with time.  I heard people around me discussing the fact that the flight to Bangkok was seven hours.  No way!  I kept thinking that was not quite right.  Then I contemplated some more and realized there must be a time change (turns out it’s a two hour time change).  Slowly it sunk in that this was longer than flying from San Francisco to New York…   At this point it feels like I have been traveling for about three months.  In reality it’s only been about 15 hours.  My weird nausea situation seemed to be somewhat under control – which was good news, so I got bundled up (I find it to be like the arctic on most planes) and tried to sleep.

Upon landing in Bangkok again I’m one of the last people off the plane.  My time challenges continued because my phone did not automatically update with the current time – I was still on Tokyo time.  I thought it was about 2:30am – but actually it was 12:30am.  I’ve lost a day and now I’m waiting in the longest customs line ever.  Due to some poor line selection on my part, I ended up being one of the last people off the plane to get stamped into Thailand.

It’s amazing to me how poorly your mind works when you are sleep deprived.  Putting items into my backpack, zipping pockets, locating my passport – it’s all being done through a murky haze and I can’t seem to do anything correctly or quickly.  Including getting a taxi from the airport to my hotel – which is smack-dab in the middle of Bangkok, near the Royal Palace.

The taxi driver *may* have been trying to help me out by explaining that there was a shuttle or a bus or some type of conveyance to my hotel, over in some other arrival area.  I doubt the sincerity of 99% of the taxi drivers pretty much anywhere in the world – so we made a deal and he got me to the hotel.  Well, he got me close to the hotel.  Because this hotel is down a street that is blocked off so all the backpacker types can revel outdoors in the open bars and purchase goodies from all the street vendors.  Goodies in Thailand can be quite exotic – like torched scorpions on a stick.  I kid you not, it’s a real thing.  I was concerned when the driver told me I just needed to walk down the street – because now it’s 3:30am (in my head) and I’m thinking a lone woman and her luggage wandering around at night may not be advised.  But it’s Bangkok and I recognize the atmosphere and lo and behold a few hundred feet down the street I find my destination.  Weary, exhausted and hungry – I am finally able to relax and sleep!